Tuesday, May 31, 2011

17 Weeks

Technically now I am 17 weeks and 1 day. But meh.

So as of a little the day before and then all day today, it is now getting painful to sit up like a person normally should. I have to kind of lounge back just a bit to ease everything off my lower stomach cause it hurts a lot otherwise. : /

It's annoying. I went to see the new Pirates of the Caribbean movie tonight and was so uncomfortable sitting there because all the pressure down there makes it so I feel like I'm sitting on a bike seat with the bones down there getting bruised. That's if I sit so my stomach can be comfortable. It was a no-win situation -_-'

I think I eventually just zoned out of the pain of either by focusing on the incredibly hot Sam Claflin (Clafin?) who played Philip in the movie. *swoon*

Oh and there is now 1 week, 2 days, 15 hours, and 30 minutes until my gender ultrasound. This week can't go by fast enough.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Today's Craving

My sister, Katie, had taken my niece, Maddie, to this pick your own fruit farm a few miles from where she lives. For $9.50 they got a gallon bucket to fill with strawberries. She sent a picture of Maddie picking some. They looked so delicious.

Then she sent me a picture of the full bucket sitting in the fridge in front of a Coca Cola bottle. That looked good, too! And then it hit me, soda and strawberries together! Yuuuum! I had to have it.

But it was a bit early to be going anywhere so I waited until 10am then texted my friend, Shannon, and asked if she wanted to go to the farmers market. She said yeah and I got read and left. At the farmers market I got an awesome elk hot dog that I have been waiting all winter to eat. Then got some fresh squeezed lemonade (the best way to have lemonade) and a lemon cream roll from my favorite stand called Honey Bakery. The woman is awesome and so are the baked goods she makes and sells. The cream rolls are waffle cone things rolled into a tube and filled with homemade cream and flavored with whatever. She's got chocolate, lemon, vanilla, cappuccino, and peanut butter. I'm a lemon fan (I love tart and sweet things like sour green apple) so I always get those. They're just $2.

I decided to head home after the market because I didn't have anything else to really do. Shannon invited me to this car show, but I passed on it. I knew my feet would start killing me soon and as nice as cars are (and I'm sure there were some gorgeous ones there) I knew I'd be bored.

So I had to stop and get gas first so I just went to the grocery store and grabbed some strawberries and a 20oz bottle of Pepsi (because Coke doesn't seem as good right now for some weird reason), then got gas and headed home.

The strawberries are incredibly delicious. So sweet and flavorful and with the soda, it's heaven!

One thing about my cravings is that I love the fact that when I want something sweet, my body tells me fruit. The only exception was the snoballs but that was all thanks to a picture of this roll cake I saw. The soda has nothing to do with sugar, it's the flavor and the fizz I want.

So I've craved pineapple, strawberries, mangoes, peaches, and watermelon. Right now watermelon is the big thing. They're everywhere and last night I got some amazingly delicious watermelon. Normally I'm alright with watermelon but I don't prefer it cause even when it's sweet and just at the correct ripeness, there's too much water for me to deal with and the pulp can get gritty. But right now I'd love some!

Friday, May 27, 2011


For the first time I have been able to feel kicks and are sure that's what they are! I can't even begin to describe how happy  I am! I'm just sitting here, on my bed, my laptop on a pillow in my lap typing a reply on the Just Mommies site when I feel what I describe as a bubble bursting in my lower abdomen. I figured it was a gas bubble at first, just making its way through my insides, but then when it happened a second time, in the exact same spot, I began to wonder.

I kept typing and felt another, then another! All in the same spot! Baby is so lively today! I almost want to cry with joy, but I did enough crying Wednesday and some yesterday. I definitely don't feel like crying anymore, for any reason.

Overall I felt 5 or 6 good kicks. Baby is too small for them to hurt so it wasn't bad. Like I said, a bubble bursting. Like, have you ever blown a small bubble with gum and pulled it into your mouth and popped it by crushing it? That's what it feels like, but in a spot two inches below and just to the left of my belly button.

It's so wonderful! I'm so excited to finally know that those were kicks without someone holding a doppler to my stomach and hearing the thump and being told it was a kick. I just wish I could hug my baby and tell it how cute it is and how much I love it! XD

And for a little update on my depression from Wednesday: Thursday morning I woke up still feeling a bit bleh, but much better then before. I was able to read about women finding out the gender or getting their gender scans sooner than mine and not be physically hurt my it. I just felt sad when I read them, and there were a lot yesterday for the November women. We've got nearly 20 ladies who know the gender already. Over 10 of them are having boys. One is having fraternal twins of a boy and a girl.

But eventually I started getting tired of the way I felt and decided not to be sad anymore. I heard a long time ago that being happy, sad, mad, etc. is a choice. You had to choose to be happy or to stay sad or mad and so when I put that into action in my life, I began to realize, it really is a choice. Things have been much better with my depression since then. I'm not someone who gets depressed so much I need medicine, but being a naturally happy person and someone who holds things in, it's only normal that I can get seriously depressed from time to time.

So I decided I wasn't going to be sad anymore, mostly because I knew it was the hormones doing it to me. Once you make a choice about how you're going to feel, you do have to work at it, but the more times you've made a choice to be one way or the other, the easier it becomes. So by bed time last night I felt completely fine. So today I haven't had any problems.

And what with feeling the kicks (even though they've stopped now, poo) I'm the happiest I've been in such a long time!!

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Another Two Weeks

I'm seriously depressed right now.

I was so excited today to go see my baby and find out the gender. I painted my toenails since it's warm enough for flip flops and the old paint is still on the nails in bits. I shaved my legs, I put on my skirt and a cute top with the jacket thing over it. Figured I'd make myself look as good as I feel.

I went to town, completely happy, listening to my iPod. I thought it was funny I managed to get there at exactly 5:45pm. I wanted to get there 15 minutes early just in case. My mom even took some time in town to wash her car so she could be there to see. She got off work at 5pm so she had to find something to do before the ultrasound.

Not long after she got to the place, the ultrasound tech went behind the counter and looked at something and then asked me, "You're 16 weeks?" I said I was plus a few days. She then apologized and said that the insurance may not pay for two bills that have the same procedure name on them. So they had to reschedule me for at least 18 weeks.

The scan they do for gender isn't actually to see the gender, it's just a perk. The scan is to check how the organs and whatnot are coming along, which is why they want to wait so long. They have to make sure everything is big enough for them to see.

But I can't help but feel incredibly sad. Yes I was excited to find out the gender, but seeing my baby again was really the best thing about it. I feel like I was jipped(sp?).

I haven't posted about it on the Just Mommies site I go to or on the November DDC group on Facebook. I don't mind posting it here, but that's only because I don't expect any responses. I don't want any responses to this post. I don't want to hear people tell me they're sorry I couldn't see the baby. I don't want to hear, "But at least it's only two weeks and not four." I just wanted to see my baby. I've maybe felt movement, but it's so slight it's hard to tell and I've only felt the one kick. I try to see if I can make the baby kick but nothing happens.

It really sucks. I can only hope that two weeks goes by fast. It's only been two weeks since I had that ultrasound with the nurse midwife, but it feels like forever ago. Maybe part of the way I feel right now is hormones, but still. And I don't care about all the reasoning and whatnot, I know all of it and I still feel like shit.

I don't know if I'll feel up to telling everyone tomorrow. I just kind of wish I could not say anything and they'd leave it at that. But I know, eventually, someone will ask about it. It was bad enough having to tell my sisters I didn't get it done today. I just don't want to talk to anyone about it.

Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Awesome 3rd Appointment!

So the third appointment with the midwife went awesome! Well, except for the fact that she couldn't find a vein to draw blood since I was slightly dehydrated (but she stopped at three sticks).

She checked the heartbeat and said it was in the 140s. Found it right away. She just put the thing on my stomach, turned the machine on and there was the heartbeat. Then she moved it around a bit and when she moved it back I felt what felt like a gas bubble but it had a bit more force to it and on the machine we heard a thump. The midwife said, "Oh! There's a kick." So I felt my baby kick today!!! This is the first time! Well it could be the umpteenth time but this is the first time I knew what it was! XD

And then at the end she filled out a form and faxed it off to the imaging place in town and said they'd call me and I could schedule my gender scan for some time in the next 2 or 3 weeks! Yay! Then, as I was at the bank about 10 minutes later, I get a call and they ask if tomorrow is good for me. I made sure they understood what the scan was for and they said yeah. So my gender scan is for tomorrow at 6pm!!!! *squee* ^_^

An exciting day most definitely!

Something I Fear

Every night I find myself at the french doors looking out at the yard. At the trees now full with their glossy, green leaves, the grass and brush coming back to life, the sky with it's fluffy clouds you just don't get in winter. Everything is so beautiful and I love looking at it but it's all tainted by my little fear.

Fear that the next glance to either side will show FOB standing there or in a car, watching me. It's the fear of him coming back into my life. It's not him I'm afraid of. Sure he's aggressive but he's not stupid...not always. I guess it's more the fear that if he tries to come back into my life, I won't be able to get rid of him. I feel like I have no protector. I hate to say that it feels much more safe with a tangible person standing by me than it does knowing God is watching over me, but it's true. I can't help the way I feel. I need to start praying every night that FOB stays away.

And I feel like I should change my phone number for added measure. Once I get my own place, it'll be a bit easier because then FOB won't know where I am. I also need to buy some white spray paint to cover the black part on my car. Random strangers know my car. Having a little black piece on a white car is as bad as having a very distinct detail done on a vehicle.

I try not to think of it, though. But every night it pops back up. I'm scared that if I think of it too much it'll become a nightmare. I just pretty much pretend FOB doesn't exist. If I do, then the world feels a little darker. I also have to keep myself from thinking about the fact that my baby is made up of parts of the guy. When I do, I start feeling sick and am a bit revolted at the thought that FOB is in me. And that's a horrible thing to feel when thinking of your baby!

If I work at it, I know one day I won't really thing of the guy at all. That'll be nice. But part of keeping him away will mean me moving at least out of town, if not out of state. FOB is a lazy man when it comes to his children (and quite a few other things in his life). If it takes more than just picking up the phone or talking to one person, he doesn't bother. That's a reason he doesn't see his daughter more than just on holidays. It takes too much effort to schedule meetings. I believe he really doesn't care about any of his children except his son (his oldest child).

I can only hope and pray that I never have to deal with him again.

Monday, May 23, 2011

Cravings So Far

I figured I'd try and remember all the things I've craved since being pregnant. They aren't in any particular order, so yeah.

-Thai food (cause I wanted a certain kind of spicy)
-Crunchy Cheetos
-Sliced Peaches
-Fat Back
-Something sweet and bready with coconut (ended up getting a Hostess Snoball for this)
-Kings Hawaiian Bread Rolls
-Captain Crunch Cereal with the berries
-Pizza Rolls or the pizza sticks from grocery store delis
-Coke or Pepsi
-Cream Cheese Pecan Pie
-Brie (bought some that was made with pasteurized milk but it ended up tasting kinda gross and then after three little slices I was too afraid to eat any more)

And that's all I can remember for now. As you can see my cravings are pretty balanced out between healthy stuff and bad stuff. The worst has to be the fat back. But I got some of that yesterday so yay! It's been a pretty mellow pregnancy. I've been extremely lucky in that. But things are beginning to rev up as I am starting to get hungry faster and I go pee more often. The baby apparently is about half a pound right now and around the length of an avocado, so it's starting to get big. I think next week is an onion. Probably viadlia, haha!

Gender Ultrasound

Almost forgot and I figured I'd make a new post about it.

Most places don't do gender scans until 20 weeks cause they say that's the best time. But the earliest possible to see the gender and know for sure is 16w. I am 16w today. I called around to see if I can get a scan in about two weeks cause I don't want to wait four weeks. But no one will do it. And one place won't even bother until 25w because for some moronic reason they only do 3D/4D gender scans. COMPLETELY STUPID!!!!

I'm super pissy about not being able to find out sooner. They say it's so they don't waste my time and money but I get 10 stamps from the insurance place each month to use and I only use one stamp each month. So I don't care if I have to go and get another scan a week or two later if the first one didn't show anything.

I just want to know the sex of my baby! I've done a few little gender prediction tests for fun since I can't do much else right now.

The Chinese one says boy but there's one Chinese one that goes by the lunar calendar and the time zone of the mother's birth place and the time zone of the conception and also asks for the person to put in the date conceived. There are VERY  few people who know that. I know within like four days. It's somewhere between the 14th and 17th of February. I was showing symptoms halfway through the second week after my last period.

So I just go with the normal Chinese gender predictor thingies. So boy for that one. The ring test did nothing. That's a test where you put a ring on a chain and try and hold your arm as still as possible over your tummy and if the ring swings in a circular motion it's one sex and if it swings back and forth it's the other. So no luck there.

Did the baking soda test and nothing, which means girl. But I think it messed up. The baking soda just got covered up and didn't mix so I'll try again tomorrow morning. It requires pee, haha!

I haven't done the cabbage test because it requires a red cabbage and I don't have one and don't feel like spending the money on it.

I can't really use the myths for a boy or a girl because I'm pretty much half and half on those. I got a few pimples but that was from when I was using Teddy as a pillow. I had used him as a pillow for a while a few weeks before and there was a day I forgot to wash my hair so my hair oils are on his tummy and I've noticed it causes me to break out in a pimple or two. I'm too afraid to wash him since he's so old. He's still really sturdy but I just don't want to chance it. Without pimples, it means boy.

I do not crave protein. One of my aversions is to meet. Chicken and fish are the only kind I can eat, and even chicken is hard to get down sometimes. Fish is the only meat I can eat every time. So this would mean girl.

I crave more fruits, which is girl, but the more tart (more acid) the better, which suggests boy.

I can't figure if I'm carrying low or high because I'm not showing at all which also means I can't say my belly looks like a basketball or watermelon. So this is out.

I didn't have morning sickness so that says boy.

The heart rate has either been 150 or above, so that says girl.

So it just keep going back and forth. It's annoying! I want to know!

My Lazy Baby

I finally grabbed my webcam and took shots of my funny little one during the May 11 ultrasound I had. Any time the arms were seen, they were behind my baby's head. And sometimes the legs were crossed. It was as if my baby was just lounging inside me. Cute little thing!

So here are two pictures from it:

In the second picture you can see the ribs a lot better. The hand is resting under the ear, or the wrist is, whichever you see. You can't see the head very well, though. And that round thing above the baby is the placenta.

If they're small, sorry you can look here too: http://i19.photobucket.com/albums/b187/beauwen_eloway/babylounging.jpg

 Isn't my baby cute!? So silly, hehe!

Ugh and I have no idea why the bold won't go away after posting that link. It's pissing me off!

Sunday, May 15, 2011


I feel like I should post something cause I haven't really had much to post. This pregnancy is pretty uneventful. *shrug*

But I will say that I CANNOT wait until I get that cute pregnant belly! And I CANNOT wait until I really feel the baby moving! ^_^ The pregnancy still doesn't feel real, haha! Can't wait for the day it does!

Wednesday, May 11, 2011

Nurse Midwife and Ultrasound!

Today I had an appointment to meet with a nurse midwife. I did this because the birthing center wants me to have someone I know who can deliver the baby at the hospital should I turn into a high risk pregnancy.

I really like this guy, too. He was very nice and polite and chatted with me, he wasn't overly one thing or the other. Just normal seeming. Too bad he can't work at the birthing center, haha!

Well I got to have an ultrasound as well! I was really excited about that! The baby is just way too cute and I'm even more impatient for November to get here. I took pictures of the ultrasound pictures so here they are:

The one picture with the arrow is just the guy taking a guess. He asked me if I wanted him to guess and I said sure and he looked and said he figured it could be a boy. It's fun to think it really could be, but I'm not thinking it's one or the other right now. I won't do that until I'm told for sure. My sister, Katie, says that's how it was with her daughter. They guessed it could be a boy because of the little protrusion and then later when the baby was further along they found it was a girl.

So it could still be a girl. Either way I'm happy! ^_^

I also got a video and am trying to figure out how to get it on my computer so I can share it. Until then, though, pictures will have to be enough.

Food Stuff

The other day I really wanted some brie. I tried it for the first time last year in August when my middle sister and I were in NC for two weeks (it was the two weeks we were supposed to spend with our grandma who had been diagnosed with cancer in February but she didn't make it past June).

Well my sister put some on a cracker for me and a little of this homemade pear jam and it was so utterly delicious! The pear jam wasn't overpowering so it went really well with the mild flavor of the brie.

 But one of the first things I learned after finding out I'm pregnant is that I can't eat brie. The reason being brie is made with unpasteurized milk and with the softness and all it can be a breeding ground for listeria. But I managed to find a bunch made with pasteurized milk. I only had two small bits today. I bought peach preserves to go with it. The store only had one thing of pear stuff and it was some sort of spread that was kind of like a thick syrup, it looked gross. Took me forever to choose a different one. In the end I figured peach wouldn't be as overpowering as the berry jams or as sweet as the orange marmalade.

And I also bought some more Totinos pizza since they're quick and easy and go great with a glass of milk. I keep craving pizza but I can really only handle Totinos party pizzas, the pizza rolls, and the pizza sticks from the grocery delis. A while back I got a pzone from Pizza Hut and it was just so greasy I was queasy for a while afterward and now can't bring myself to go for any big chain pizza.

So if there are any pregnant women out there who stumble upon this and want to have some brie, I bought the Presedente brand, but also Alouette seems to be made with pasteurized milk. But I wouldn't just go and grab some and start chowing down, I'm still going to look into it a bit more (which is why I didn't eat a bunch tonight) and make absolutely sure it's ok since it's pasteurized. So check with your OB or whoever just to be on the safe side.

Sunday, May 8, 2011

Happy Mother's Day!

I made skillets for brunch today. It took a while because I accidentally forgot about the sausage on the stove and so a lot of it burned. I had to run to the store for more. Grabbed the sparkling cider I couldn't get last night since I didn't bring my wallet in the store and so couldn't draw money from the ATM. Also grabbed some fruit.

The eggs were being annoying cause first the shells kept trying to fall into the bowl with the eggs and then the eggs stuck to the pan like mad. They've never done that to me before. It was like everything that could go wrong was trying to.

Mama had mimosas and I had me some sparkling cider and orange juice. Sooo yummy! ^_^ I had a tiny bit of stuff on my plate along with a biscuit and some fruit but I barely ate half the skillet stuff. I had been starving this morning on the way back from the store, I don't know where that went. Maybe my stomach is already getting squished.

I'm also all swollen with water thanks to the potato chips I ate last night. So my tummy is sticking out a bit. I need to make sure I drink lots of water today to get rid of the salt.

My mom got me a mother to be card and it made me very happy! I had a hard time trying not to cry while reading it. This is what it said:

Being a mom means...

Hours of sleep lost.
A lifetime of joy gained.

Tears kissed away.
Giggles shared.

More toys on the floor.
More love in your heart.

The inside says: You're going to be such a wonderful mom.
Then my mom wrote: This is the first of many, many cards you will receive. Each one will be filled with more love than you can imagine. Love ya, Mommy.

The card is really cute, too! Definitely saving it, not that I wouldn't, I like to save cards for some reason.

And today I believe baby is hanging out near the left side again. I have to lay on my stomach to do stuff on the computer because while sitting it was painful on the left side down there.

And I really want to take a nap but then again I don't. I don't have off again until Wednesday. But I know I should sleep when I feel like I need it. I'll most likely take one.

Thursday, May 5, 2011


Well I had picked out a name each for a girl and a boy, I'm still loving my girl name, Asa Kay, but the boy name, Devon Scott, doesn't really sit well with me. It's been bugging me that I can't think of a boy name that I really liked.

Used to I loved the name Luke, but my oldest sister, Katie, liked it too and asked if she had the boy first if she could use it. I said sure, thinking that's what would happen. So now it doesn't really feel like mine. Then I began liking the name Will, but trying to find a middle name for that one was like pulling teeth!

Buuut  I think I may got with William Scott. I wasn't a big fan of the name William but the more I hear it, the more I like it. So for now that's what I'm going with.

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

2nd Appointment

Had my second appointment today. I've met 3 of the midwives now. I think there are four. This one, today, was really friendly and all but I think the second one is more my taste for delivering my child. Not as friendly as the one today but she seems more professional and doesn't irk me like the first midwife did.

I asked about the placenta encapsulation (cause I want to do that) and she wasn't sure if anyone in town does it, so most likely I'll have to do it myself. It doesn't look too hard, but I'll probably have to get a toaster oven and an extension cord to do it outside or find someone who will let me do it at their house because my mom doesn't want me doing it at hers, lofl!

Found out I'm B- blood type and will be getting that Rhogam shot.  Everything looked fine except my vitamin D levels. So I'll be taking supplements for that.

Heard the baby's heartbeat again. It sounded slower than the last two times but the midwife didn't say there was anything wrong, so meh. *shrug*

I can't wait until later this month! I'm going to schedule an ultrasound at the imaging center to see the gender. It'll be sooooo nice to see my baby again!

Oh and I got some maternity clothes for later this year. Two dresses from Old Navy, two ribbed tank tops, two regular tank tops, and a work shirt. The stuff wasn't even considered maternity. I just grabbed the XXL size. The dresses are like tents! I could put two big pillows under them and be totally fine! The tank tops will get stretched a bit. It was pretty cheap, too, since they were having a buy one get one half off sale. Saved over $30.

I plan to wear some skirts and dresses mostly this summer along with some legging things that go down to my knees underneath the things.

Yup, yup. All good!