Friday, November 25, 2011


Someday I will post all the goings on of the past two weeks. Maybe tomorrow, who knows? Until then...

During the day I'm fine. But when it comes time for my little man (yes, it's a boy ^_^) to sleep and for me to sleep as well, I start feeling panicky. I try to shut my brain off but by late evening I'm fully awake. At the hospital I wasn't going to bed until 2am. I manage to get some sleep between 8am and noon. Last night I got about four hours after midnight and then little cat naps from 4am to 11am when I gave him to my mom so I could take an actual nap for two hours.

So by night time I don't want to sleep. And while I'm lying in bed, trying to force myself to stop thinking, thinking is all I can do. Like how the hell did I get into all this? How am I going to do everything? I've got such a long road ahead of me. I mean I knew what was coming, but still. I don't do well with change. I miss my big pregnant belly. I wish I could go back and the labor and delivery could be different- could go the way I had wanted.

And Thursday morning my middle sister went home to Oregon. She was such a big help and I miss her so much. I wish she lived here. I got really lucky last night that my baby, his name is William, did so well. The first two nights at home were a terror and I really needed my sister. My mom said that when my sister left she'd sleep in the guest bedroom for a bit, but she hasn't. In a way I feel so alone in all of this. I should have been married, like I had planned. Nothing about having a child went the way I had planned it. From being single to not getting to give birth at the birthing center, to the way labor and delivery went, to the stuff after he was born. How does anyone do it?

And with needed sleep in the early morning, I don't eat breakfast. Thursday I ate only once. Today I would have eaten only once but I realized I hadn't eaten much and so made myself some cereal. I just don't know where the time is during the day to do anything. My sister helped me get my room re-situated so it has more room to move around in and was cleaner. Now it's a total mess from having to search for stuff I needed at the hospital and need here, getting clothes for William, clothes for myself, etc. I don't know when I'll be able to organize it all again. And I try to sleep when he sleeps but it's so hard.

I'm afraid I won't even begin to have things settled by the time January hits and I have to start looking for a job. What the hell am I gonna do? I've got a daycare lined up, but still. And the only help I have is my mom whose schedule can be 8-5 or 9-6 or 7-4. My mom wants me to go for a full-time job but I just don't know how I'm going to handle working full time and raising a child on my own. I know this is all just new mom stuff and eventually things will get better and easier to deal with as I figure things out, but for now, it's all so crazy and I'm scared and I really wish my middle sister was here. Well, I wish both of my sisters were here. It's not fair we're all separated.

*sigh* I almost wish I could fast forward to when I've got things figured out.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Induction Day

I thought it'd be nice to document the day as it goes along. I'll also document as much as I can while in labor later.

So to start this thing, how I was woken up by a call from the hospital that interrupted what was turning out to be a very entertaining dream in which I was solving a murder.

It was around 8:20am when just as my dream was getting good my phone began to ring- or vibrate as that's what I keep it at while I'm sleeping. When I grabbed it I had to unplug it since I'd been charging it all night and looked at the number on the screen. It was one I'd never seen before but figured it to be some business number since the last four digits had two zeros (most business around here are given a thousand number for the last four digits, with at least two zeros). Thinking it was probably something to do with medical stuff I was just about to answer it when my voicemail got it it first. So I laid back and waited for the message.

When the phone vibrated to tell me a message had been received, I pressed the Listen button on the screen and waited with the cell pressed to my ear. After the automated voice told me I had one new message, a female voice came on announcing the message was for me and that she was calling from the women's center at the hospital. They had me scheduled for an induction today and wanted to see if I wanted to go ahead and come in. Confused, I deleted the message and got up, walking to the TV room where my mom was sitting watching Melissa & Joey on Netflix.

I sat on the couch and laid the phone on the small table in front of it as she asked me how I was feeling this morning. I told her I was fine but tired (seeing as I didn't get to bed until about 2am) and then explained about the call. We figured I should just call them back to see what was going on. My nurse midwife told me I was his top priority but to call the hospital around 5pm today to see what time they'd like me to come in for the induction.

So I called them back and asked about it. The woman said they had me as number one on the induction list today. I told them what my nurse midwife said about me being top priority but not going in until later this evening. The woman said okay and then asked if I'd like to come in sooner or if my plans were all for tonight. I told her my plans were for tonight so I would call back around 5pm as planned. She then asked me what would be a good time for the induction and I said any time after 6pm. So she wrote that down and said she'd call the nurse midwife to run it by him and make sure about what I was told.

With that done I grabbed my computer and took it to the TV room to sit and check things on the internet and watch television with my mom. I posted about the upcoming induction on my Facebook. Then I got up and grabbed some canned peaches and some water.

After an hour or so my mom and I got to talking about what to make for dinner tonight which led into what to have for breakfast. As my mom was making it (sausage patties and cheesy biscuits) I went into the kitchen and noticed that it was snowing pretty heavily outside. The flakes are super small but there's so many of them that at just a glance it looks like it's a bit foggy outside. This is when I decided to document the day with pictures. But as I was taking some the camera started giving me the low battery signal. So I have to wait for my sister to wake up in order to get more batteries from the rechargeables in the room she's staying in.While I wait I'm typing up what I can of the day so far.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011


First off, if there are any typos and whatnot, please forgive me. I'm super tired right now but I really want to go ahead and put this post up before I forget.

Had my 40 week appointment today. Gained 3lbs since Thursday. Some is food related, some is baby related, some is water retention related. All I know is for some reason I have this urge to ask for a gym membership for Christmas or something. I actually feel like getting in some exercise. I want to try and set a good example for my child and to do that I need to be in the habit of doing what my body needs.

Blood pressure was the highest it's been all pregnancy. 140/91. True I'd just come from walking around Sam's Club for about an hour and they took me in right away so I had no time to rest, but still. The nurse midwife did a second blood pressure check after the exam and it went down to 130/70-something. The exam was only about 10 minutes, maybe 15.

Cervix is still around 1 1/2cm dilated and 50% effaced. It really sucks. I was sure it was effacing some more because of all the bleeding. The baby is estimated around 9lbs 8oz. I'm not sure how they'd even calculate weight since it comes up after the circumference of the head is measured, the torso is measured, and then a femur is measured. It's all lengths so where exactly does this weight guess come in? But I'm confident my baby is under 9lbs. I think the little one just has a big head. The only thing that would be a huge problem concerning that is if my pelvis just isn't big enough to accommodate a large head.

So we talked of induction. I mentioned I'd be happy making it to tomorrow or Thursday at the earliest if I have to be induced. The guy said okay and I am all set for Thursday evening with the plan being to deliver this Friday. So I'd almost be allowed to make it to 41 weeks, so yeah, I'm pretty comfortable with this. And he's not going to use pitocin unless stuff just isn't happening. He says since I'm going to do this with an epidural he'd like for me to have more room to move and hooking me up to an IV for the pitocin wouldn't give me that. I think he also said it has something to do with my blood pressure and something else.

I'll be getting a tablet inserted somewhere in there which will ripen my cervix more which should hopefully start contractions. No matter what, though, this baby will be here by my birthday this Saturday.

And I'll be happy to not have to deal with this idiot much after that. I was very upset at how he reacted to my asking about the pitocin. He asked me if I had any questions before he started talking about what he was planning to do. I mentioned my doula had said something about how some doctors start off with the smallest amount of pitocin and if that gets things going they allow it to wear off and let the body take over. I asked if he did that and said I thought that sounded good. He answered by going into what he was going to do for my induction and then went on to say that he and the nurses at the hospital were the medical professionals and they've got the say so on however things have to go. That they're "the captains of this ship" and my doula should leave things like that up to them. He wasn't very nice about it.

The man looked offended when I even asked if he knew any good doulas that his patients had had and liked. He looked offended when I told him I'd gotten a doula. And now he's acting like a typical man, thinking his judgement is coming into question and being disrespectful to my doula. I really like this woman and she's helped me a lot so I was NOT happy when he went into his little tirade. I wanted to slap him.

I really, really hated that he acted like that. I was finally becoming more comfortable with him and he went and did something like that. I will never be seeing this guy again for a pregnancy if I'm still here the next time I get pregnant and end up being high risk. I'm also going to let the midwives at the birthing center know that this man is NOT the one to send women to who really, really want to go as natural as possible after being labeled high risk. He's great for those women who don't care one way or the other, as long as they and their baby are fine, but for those like me, who like to know as much as they can about their pregnancy and about labor and delivery, and who like to have a say in things he's not very good. Well, he might be okay if the woman actually gives him a piece of her mind and makes sure he doesn't do anything stupid.

Normally I trust the practitioner to do the right thing by me. It's stupid to trust them like that, but I do. In this case, though, I won't give them free reign. It's my body, my baby, my pregnancy.

But yeah, things are all set for later this week. I wonder how it'll be.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Officially 40 weeks

Just before going to bed last night I had the lovely (only partial sarcasm there) surprise of finding a bit of my mucus plug in my urine. It's definitely not finished coming out but it's progress. I've been having the tiniest little spots of it since then so things are still trying to go.

Got some fresh pineapple today after the doula left. Yes, the doula did pressure points on my feet. She said she could come back Saturday (which would be later today since it's 12:23am) to do more or since my sister was doing some on me, I could just rely on her. This woman is a very good doula. Glad she's the one I have ^_^

So after getting lunch and grabbing the pineapple, my sister and I went to see Tower Heist, which was really good. Then we stopped by this baby store in town to look at the different kinds of cloth diapers and their slings/carriers.

Leaving there we headed home with the thought of having potato skins and hot wings for dinner. Had our mom grab the extra stuff we needed.

At home my sister cut up the pineapple and holy cow it was the best pineapple I've ever had! When I walked into the kitchen after it'd been cut all I could smell was the sweetness of the pineapple. Apparently it was just me who could smell it, but I think it didn't have anything to do with me being pregnant but more to do with the fact that my mom and sister were in the kitchen smelling it for a while. The fruit was indeed very sweet with that lovely tart bite to it. My mom ended up getting a few pieces for herself and I chowed down on the rest. It was absolutely delicious! There was a bag of candy corn right next to the fruit and it wasn't even appealing to me the pineapple was so yummy.

After a while I noticed a little bit of blood on the toilet paper but not much. Then, well after my sister had been doing pressure points on my back and then tickling my back, there was quite a bit of blood. So I'm thinking there's definitely some more effacement going on. Yay!

I really don't like trying to force my baby to come before its ready, but I need it to get here before the NMW wants to medically induce. I'm going to try and make sure I get the guy to tell me exactly what he's thinking in terms of when the baby should be here. Not that it should be his decision anyways but he's being annoying with thinking my baby's too big.

With luck the baby will come before the NMW goes bonkers about it. Really, induction won't work unless the body is already trying to go into labor. And remember, according to the days I most likely ovulated, November 7th is the more accurate due date.

So yeah, there's some progress going on. And crazy to think that if I make it through to the next midnight still pregnant I'll be one day past due.

Friday, November 4, 2011

39 Week Appointment

Hmm, first off, deja vu.

Anyway, for me it's still technically Thursday, even though it's 36 minutes into Friday. Well at 9:30am I had my 39 week appointment. I haven't gained any weight since last week, which is great because between the 37th and 38th week appointments I'd gained 5lbs (most of it from water retention).

Had the NMW check my cervix again, hoping something was different. He said everything was pretty much the same. So still 1 1/2cm dilated and 50% effaced. Bleh.

The ultrasound machine is saying my baby has gained another pound, estimating him at around 9lbs. I don't believe the thing. Unfortunately the NMW does. Knowing I haven't gained any weight means I've lost some and the baby gained what I lost. To me, that means the baby took from me what it needed, meaning that it got exactly what it needed and gained exactly the amount of weight that it should. So my baby is the right weight for it and I refuse to lump the little one in with what's considered "normal." There is no normal. It's just crap that doctors spout so they can make their patients do what they want. Most women aren't educated about pregnancy and whatnot so they're easily tricked into doing unnecessary things. Luckily I've looked into a lot of stuff and I've got a doula who will back me up on things.

Well, the NMW wanted to check my blood pressure a second time, like he's done the last two times, because my blood pressure taken by his assistant was again over 130. The first time it had gone down to 117 or 118 for the second check, the second time it went down to around 127, and this time it only went down to 130 (it was 135 from the assistant check).

Because of that he is having me do a 24 hour urine sample collection that will be taken to the hospital once it's done so they may check for signs of preeclampsia (toxemia). He doesn't really think it'll come back positive for it, but he'd rather be safe than sorry. As annoying as it is having to try and hold it while I put this little collection thing in the toilet and then have to dump the contents into a container, I'd rather make sure something isn't going wrong either.

I did ask him how long he'd let me go past my due date and first he said he wanted to wait until he checked my BP again, but he never gave me an answer. I'm going to ask him again when I talk to him about the results of the urine tests. When I mentioned what my views on going over were (that I don't want to go more than a week over) the tone in his voice and the look on his face told me he doesn't even want me to get to a week overdue. So I'm thinking he's going to want to induce me no matter what before the middle of next week.This all because he's letting a machine tell him what it thinks my baby weighs. Those machines can be off by 2lbs. For him to take it so seriously, to me, just shows me he's not got much faith in himself as a practitioner. While I've accepted him for now, I still stand by my choice that if I'm still in Fairbanks the next time I'm pregnant and I become considered high risk, I will not be seeing him.

So it wasn't the best appointment.

I'm still trying to do some pressure points the doula showed me. Had my middle sister help me with some tonight. They don't work right then and there and usually don't do much unless your body is already trying to go into labor. But I'm hoping things will progress. The doula will be coming by around 10am to do the pressure points on me herself.

The only good thing about my pregnancy today is that the last time I went to the bathroom, another piece of my mucus plug came out, so yay! That's something. After a week of nothing, it's nice to see something, even if it's something that can be regenerated before I give birth. I wish it would just all come out, though. Stop all this tiny piece by tiny piece dislodging. *fingers crossed*

Really don't want to be medically induced. I'm not even sure what the NMW would do first. If he would start my on pitocin from the get go, or if he would break my water first and see if that started things. I'd rather have my waters broke first than go with artificial hormones. Here's hoping.

Tuesday, November 1, 2011


With 4 days left until my due date, I'm growing increasingly impatient. Remember there was all that stuff with the baby dropping and the bleeding? There was also some swelling of my calves and feet and some changes in parts of my body I won't mention. All of this was labor prep.

But then, after my last appointment with the nurse midwife, everything has seemed to come to a stand still. No more bleeding, no contractions real or preparatory, the swelling went down, etc. I met with the doula yesterday to go over pressure points that help move things along if the body is already ready for labor. I mentioned how everything seems to have stopped and she said that was normal. Just like how we get breaks between contractions, we get breaks during labor prep.

It's annoying! I was thinking, well, I'm 1 1/2cm dilated (so only 1/2cm more since the first check at 36 weeks) and 50% effaced (meaning my cervix is halfway thinned out, 100% means paper thin), then that means things could progress even more soon and the baby will be here!! Woohoo!

But it all stopped that day. I had bleeding from the cervical check of course but it was all done by the end of the day. I was even bleeding a bit before I went in, but now, nothing. I'm so impatient I want to cry!

I know I shouldn't wish this to be over too soon cause Lord knows when I'll be pregnant again, but still, I just want to meet my baby.

I've got everything done except pre-registering at the hospital so I'm totally ready but still, seems like the little one needs a little longer. *sigh*

Good news is that my middle sister is coming up for a bit. She'll be here midnight of Wednesday. Which means in a little less than 14 hours she'll be here!!!! I don't know if I'll be able to stay up so late. I might could force myself but then I'm afraid if I do that, then I'll screw up my nice new sleep schedule. I finally managed to sleep through the night once when I was super tired and went to bed around 7:30pm. Slept for 10 hours. Since then I've been getting tired around 9:30pm and so I'm in bed, at the latest, by 11pm and I wake up anywhere between 6 and 8am and I'm able to stay up all day. Except yesterday. I think I got up before I was ready so I ended up taking a two hour nap in the late afternoon. I might need a nap again today, though, I'm still pretty tired since I tossed and turned a lot last night and I only got up because I was getting hungry.

Blargh! I want to see my baby! lol. It's very frustrating. Baby's been less active lately thanks to having dropped so I miss my little one more than normal. Though, last night I had some fun because the baby was super active for a while. Hasn't been that active in a few weeks.

I could have a bit longer to go anyways. Thinking of the time I most likely ovulated, Nov. 7th is the more accurate due date. Really, it all comes down to lung development. So I can't try to force the baby out because I don't want to hurt it by not allowing all the necessary growth to finish. As cool as it would be to give birth closer to my birthday and when my best friend is here, wanting to see my baby is getting the better of me.

Hopefully baby will be done very soon.