I took William to see his dad and brother today. William was a happy little guy and his brother enjoyed getting to see him. He was in the back of the car with William saying, "I got what I wanted; a little brother!" Really cute!
I didn't spend much time there because it took me so long to get ready (thanks to the new haircut, which I love but can't understand why it's so poofy for me but was flat for the hairdresser) seeing FOB was cutting into William's nap time. Poor little guy hasn't had a good schedule the last few days. I'm really hoping he'll get to have a normal nap tomorrow. Not sure, though since there's church and then we have to stop by the store.
When we got home after leaving FOB's I took a few picture of William because he was really cute with his shirt covering half his face while sleeping and then peeking out over the top of it when he woke up. FOB texted back laughing and calling William a junior creeper because the peeking picture really did look just a bit creepy. Then he thanked me for bringing William over and said it was nice to have everyone together.
He's been doing pretty well lately when it comes to just the way he acts in general. He's actually been trying to get me to have lunch with him so he can see William more often but I've been so busy this week. The fact that he's been asking really says something.
I talked to him a bit about what's going on in his life lately. He told me the other day that he's taken a safety course and will be taking a structural welding class at the end of this month so he can work on the north slope. Today he mentioned he's going to be taking a daddy class to help him be a better parent. He really wants to do better by his children and make sure he can teach them well and not impart anything bad on them. He wants to have this good job and get his own place and everything. And I know when he has regular money he'll be asking me if I need anything. When he gets some extra cash lately he does ask me if I need anything.
I won't be doing child support but we have the understanding that if I really need something for William and he has the money I can ask him to get it. I find that's a better way to do things rather than just take his money when he has it.
All this new stuff with him is really nice. I'm hoping it continues and he can really make a change in his life. I would like to see him happy. I've never figured he's a bad person. He's just so turned around and he knows it. I'll be praying that he continues trying to make things better for himself and that he continues trying to be a good parent.
****
On another note, William desperately wants to sit up. While awake in his swing or in his bouncy chair, he tries to sit forward so he's actually sitting up and not reclined. It's really cute and I feel bad that he can't really do it yet. But he'll get there.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Wednesday, February 8, 2012
Milestones
Hmm I think a little color might be nice. I wish I was more tech/html/whatever savvy so I could make the blog look nice but I'm only slightly above average when it comes to anything on the computer. I have a livejournal and the preset stuff I picked out I really like. Wish Blogspot's stuff was better.
Anyway the point to this post. So William will be 3 months in four days. He has been cooing, smiling, laughing, lifting his head during tummy time, focusing on objects and following them, and now I can add rolling over and getting his index and middle fingers into his mouth to the list.
Yesterday (February 7, 2012) William rolled over for the first time. He was having his tummy time and watching TV (the best time to do tummy time because he wants to lift his head to see the screen) and he lifted his left arm like he was reaching for something and just rolled onto his back! I happened to be filming it with my cell phone because I was amazed at how long he was hodlding his head up. He's been able to hold it up for several minutes.
Today he rolled over again. He did have a little bit of help from his aunt but I'm sure he would have done it on his own eventually.
Here's the video I got of it today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-vt2LxCA3k&context=C373cf93ADOEgsToPDskINVEq23aXKOd6L5WX4EkHJ
I think the next milestone will be him discovering that his feet are actually his and will do his bidding, haha! He's taken to staring at them for a few minutes each day. He seems pretty fascinated in them.
I would like to add more videos and I have plenty to put up but a lot are either on my phone or on the video camera. My phone is only able (supposedly but I have yet to get it to do right) download things from the computer to the phone, not from the phone to the computer. In order to get the videos off the phone I'd have to send them to my mom or brother-in-law because they have iPhones and can e-mail me the videos. As for the video camera ones, I have to wait for my middle sister to put the videos on a disc and then I can rip the stuff off the disc onto my computer and then upload to the internet.
The videos I have on YouTube are ones taken with my mom's computer, which has a built in webcam (my webcam's mic won't work properly for some reason). Here's the other YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jayJCeyXm0&context=C3be67c3ADOEgsToPDskLlsZ9-Htld1-R_Ft0W1D-Y
I hope to have more videos to put up soon.
Anyway the point to this post. So William will be 3 months in four days. He has been cooing, smiling, laughing, lifting his head during tummy time, focusing on objects and following them, and now I can add rolling over and getting his index and middle fingers into his mouth to the list.
Yesterday (February 7, 2012) William rolled over for the first time. He was having his tummy time and watching TV (the best time to do tummy time because he wants to lift his head to see the screen) and he lifted his left arm like he was reaching for something and just rolled onto his back! I happened to be filming it with my cell phone because I was amazed at how long he was hodlding his head up. He's been able to hold it up for several minutes.
Today he rolled over again. He did have a little bit of help from his aunt but I'm sure he would have done it on his own eventually.
Here's the video I got of it today: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3-vt2LxCA3k&context=C373cf93ADOEgsToPDskINVEq23aXKOd6L5WX4EkHJ
I think the next milestone will be him discovering that his feet are actually his and will do his bidding, haha! He's taken to staring at them for a few minutes each day. He seems pretty fascinated in them.
I would like to add more videos and I have plenty to put up but a lot are either on my phone or on the video camera. My phone is only able (supposedly but I have yet to get it to do right) download things from the computer to the phone, not from the phone to the computer. In order to get the videos off the phone I'd have to send them to my mom or brother-in-law because they have iPhones and can e-mail me the videos. As for the video camera ones, I have to wait for my middle sister to put the videos on a disc and then I can rip the stuff off the disc onto my computer and then upload to the internet.
The videos I have on YouTube are ones taken with my mom's computer, which has a built in webcam (my webcam's mic won't work properly for some reason). Here's the other YouTube video: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jayJCeyXm0&context=C3be67c3ADOEgsToPDskLlsZ9-Htld1-R_Ft0W1D-Y
I hope to have more videos to put up soon.
Thursday, February 2, 2012
Two Month Shots
January 30, 2011 William had his two month appointment. He is now 14lbs 14oz and 22in long. They say he is above average for weight gain and below average for growth. All that matters to me is that he is healthy.
The nurse went through the normal deal, asking me questions and such about William's feeding, sleeping, etc. When she got to his bowel movements I asked her about the fact that it can take him a while once he starts trying to pass gas or go poo and he strains and yet he doesn't have solid stools. She seemed to think that meant something but she never said. When the doctor asked about that and I told him, he did the same thing. I'm a bit peeved. I'd like to make things easier for my baby because it wakes him up often.
The doctor had to pull some of his skin back on William's penis. William did very well with that and any time he cried out the doctor stopped. Luckiy the cries were because of boredom, not pain. And though I continue to pull the skin back myself (though not as much as the doctor did because it's not something a regular person should do) I fear the skin has just gone right back. The doctor didn't even get it all so he said we'll work on it again at the next appointment.
Then came the shots. I wasn't as emotional as I thought I'd be. That was good because the poor little man cried hard. I nursed him when it was done and he fell asleep. The rest of that day he did fine. It wasn't until 3:30am that he began feeling bad.
So Tuesday wasn't a fun day for my baby. I let him nurse whenever he wanted and just catered to him. By Wednesday he was good again and today he's even better! That's all over with now and I'm not going to think about the next appointment until I get the reminder in the mail.
The nurse went through the normal deal, asking me questions and such about William's feeding, sleeping, etc. When she got to his bowel movements I asked her about the fact that it can take him a while once he starts trying to pass gas or go poo and he strains and yet he doesn't have solid stools. She seemed to think that meant something but she never said. When the doctor asked about that and I told him, he did the same thing. I'm a bit peeved. I'd like to make things easier for my baby because it wakes him up often.
The doctor had to pull some of his skin back on William's penis. William did very well with that and any time he cried out the doctor stopped. Luckiy the cries were because of boredom, not pain. And though I continue to pull the skin back myself (though not as much as the doctor did because it's not something a regular person should do) I fear the skin has just gone right back. The doctor didn't even get it all so he said we'll work on it again at the next appointment.
Then came the shots. I wasn't as emotional as I thought I'd be. That was good because the poor little man cried hard. I nursed him when it was done and he fell asleep. The rest of that day he did fine. It wasn't until 3:30am that he began feeling bad.
So Tuesday wasn't a fun day for my baby. I let him nurse whenever he wanted and just catered to him. By Wednesday he was good again and today he's even better! That's all over with now and I'm not going to think about the next appointment until I get the reminder in the mail.
Friday, January 27, 2012
Giggles and Sleep
Took William to see his dad and brother today. His brother really loves him, it's cute. It's the first time he got to be around William while he was wide awake and "talking." William did well but did get hungry after an hour so I had to leave since I didn't have stuff for him. I did it that way on purpose. I'm not fond of hanging out at FOB's place. The smell brings back bad feelings and we are always in his room so FOB can play video games.
After I got back home I fed William and then was pumping, playing with, talking, and reading to him. While I was just talking to him I paused for a moment to check the computer and when I turned back to him it startled him. His eyes widened and he and jumped, then giggled. It was a full on giggle. No dry cough or squeal. It was incredibly cute! I tried to get him to do it again but I couldn't. I hope I get to hear more real soon.
Once I was done I brought him out into the kitchen/sitting area/dining room and set him in his bouncy chair while everyone and I ate. During this time, my mom's hubby's sister-in-law asked to hold William and I said sure. So she goes and picks him up then brings him back to the table and is talking to him and letting him look around. Then she has him facing her, laying against her shoulder and she's rubbing in big circles over his lower back and butt. Within minutes he's fast asleep. I couldn't believe it. The only time he falls asleep while someone is sitting down with him is when he's nursing and I'm in the TV room.
After all that she asked where to put him to bed and I showed her. As soon as she set him in his swing he started crying. She shushed him while I grabbed the womb sounds bear, hoping it would help. I set it down and she took it and laid it tummy to tummy on William and said, "Now he thinks it's you." He went back to sleep within a few minutes. I'm still shocked by it all. I never thought of putting the bear on him or right next to him. Rubbing his back never worked because he's ticklish there so he just spazzes out. But I'm going to try this tomorrow and see if it works and if it keeps wokring while they're here, I'll try it again after they leave and see if it works. Hopefully it does. He's now in bed a full hour before I've been putting him to bed all week!
I really love my son ^_^
After I got back home I fed William and then was pumping, playing with, talking, and reading to him. While I was just talking to him I paused for a moment to check the computer and when I turned back to him it startled him. His eyes widened and he and jumped, then giggled. It was a full on giggle. No dry cough or squeal. It was incredibly cute! I tried to get him to do it again but I couldn't. I hope I get to hear more real soon.
Once I was done I brought him out into the kitchen/sitting area/dining room and set him in his bouncy chair while everyone and I ate. During this time, my mom's hubby's sister-in-law asked to hold William and I said sure. So she goes and picks him up then brings him back to the table and is talking to him and letting him look around. Then she has him facing her, laying against her shoulder and she's rubbing in big circles over his lower back and butt. Within minutes he's fast asleep. I couldn't believe it. The only time he falls asleep while someone is sitting down with him is when he's nursing and I'm in the TV room.
After all that she asked where to put him to bed and I showed her. As soon as she set him in his swing he started crying. She shushed him while I grabbed the womb sounds bear, hoping it would help. I set it down and she took it and laid it tummy to tummy on William and said, "Now he thinks it's you." He went back to sleep within a few minutes. I'm still shocked by it all. I never thought of putting the bear on him or right next to him. Rubbing his back never worked because he's ticklish there so he just spazzes out. But I'm going to try this tomorrow and see if it works and if it keeps wokring while they're here, I'll try it again after they leave and see if it works. Hopefully it does. He's now in bed a full hour before I've been putting him to bed all week!
I really love my son ^_^
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Update *Jan. 25, 2012*
**Yes some thing are repeated from the Jan 12th update. I'd forgotten I'd written it then had to save it while tending to William. Had to put this post on hold as well since he got up from a nap while I was writing it.**
So things are going. Pretty much everything is what you would expect with a new baby and a single mom. Here's the milestones and little cute things that have happened so far:
William used to smile only in his sleep. He now smiles quite readily for a na-na-na-na noise or a smooch noise. Unfortunately I do not remember when he first smiled while awake. He still has not gotten the hang of laughing- either that or this is just his laugh. His laugh is a dry, fake cough noise sometimes ended with a small squeal. Usually when he laughs he pulls his hands to his mouth, as fists, scrunched everything up and turns to one side or the other. It's absolutely adorable! His first attempt at laughing came on the evening of December 25th. I might've mentioned it in the last post but I don't remember.
He has been making 'ah,' 'oo,' and 'goo' noises for several weeks now and has only recently begun to copy me if I make them, but not all the time. When awake, you can usually find him with one or both fists at his mouth, drool running down them. The rule goes: if it's in his hands, it's in his mouth, haha! He still has not noticed his hands or feet, though. I'm not sure when babies are supposed to do that.
Last week was when he finally started to like his play mat. He especially loves the mirror and a purple, white-spotted butterfly my mom bought him (part of a three-piece set that also has a bumblebee and a ladybug). He kicks like there's no tomorrow while on the mat and will sometimes "talk" to the butterfly or his image. As for his bouncy seat, he's liking it a lot more (especially since I put the mirror and the butterfly on the hanging thing) and will sit in it at least long enough for me to do a load of dishes, which is all I ask. Well, that and maybe for him to be content long enough for me to make a quick meal.
He has not rolled over yet, but I'm thinking he will before the warmer weather arrives in the end of March. He's started to roll to his side now. During tummy time he can hold his head up nice and high for a bit but usually only when you set him in front of the TV for tummy time.
William LOVES the TV. He'll watch anything right now. My mom just got him some educational stuff so that way he will get some learning in, which is good. He got to see Sesame Street for a little bit for the first time today. We were up early enough for it. Normally he doesn't get any PBS stuff in until 1pm and then it's Caillou or Dinosaur Train or Clifford. But since he didn't get much sleep last night he fell asleep halfway through Sesame Street, but he really seemed to like it. Luckily he was out well before Elmo's World.
When we get up in the morning (which is when William fidgets from trying to get stuff through his tummy too much and wakes himself up) I'll feed him. During this session I'll check things on the computer and several times I'll look down and see him grinning at me real big so his mouth is open and he's got this mischievous look in his eye, like he just farted or something, haha. It's really too cute and I'd like to get a picture of it someday. He'll use that look to get what he wants, I just know it.
He has outgrown any full body onesies that say 0-3 months because the feet are too small for him. So I've put them all in a bag, along with some other 0-3 month things that don't fit him for one reason or the other. Now he is in either plain old 3 month clothing or 3-6 month things. He has a few 6 month full body onesies he wears. I just put socks on him to keep his feet from sliding out of the feetie part, the socks add some drag so the things go with his movements. He's a big boy!
As for the bad parts William can be a handful to get to sleep at night. During the day he usually has no problems being put down for a nap, as long as I hold him and pat his back and sing to him a bit before putting him in his swing. He still won't sleep in his pack n play. I'm hoping I can get him used to it before I have to work and he has to go to daycare.
Most of the time I can't find the time to do anything because William doesn't want to be set down. He's such a cuddle monster, which is nice and cute but since it's just me it does tend to drive me mad. My mom used to take him for about an hour in the evening since she didn't get to see him all day but she's stopped doing that unless I ask her and lately she gets home late so I just keep him with me. Even during his naps I don't get to do much. There's no telling how he's going to nap. He goes back and forth between cat naps and long ones so if I want to do something like take a shower while he naps I have to make it a super quick one. I can't relax and stand in the water just to warm up. I have to get in, wet my hair, lather it, rinse it, then wash my body and get out.
The other night my mom brought home a box of rice cereal for me to try on him. We tried it and put him down at 8pm. I decided to go to bed at midnight, which was when his next feeding would be if he stayed asleep long enough. He did and it was the BEST four hours I've had since before he was born! I got to just sit in the TV and watch whatever without having to pause it multiple times (watching Netflix) so I can get him soothed during a fidgety session or to go feed him cause he hungry before three hours are up. I could type with both hands on the computer, I could make a meal without hoping he'd sit in his bouncy chair long enough or without having him in one arm.
Last week Friday I was really feeling the single mother thing. Sometimes I just wish I had a partner who could take over for a little bit so I could get things done. Someone who could help me clean, help keep William entertained, take over getting him to bed, go get him when he wakes up from naps, etc. I also hadn't been out of the house and into town in a week. It was my mom's birthday and her hubby was taking her out. I was at home, alone, with William on a Friday night. All I had to do was think about how I was stuck at home again and all the bad things that were weighing on me like work and not having some help.
My best friend moved back from the lower 48. She and her fiance split and since she was moving here now she would need to look for a job. I thought it would be great for her and I to go out and put in applications and whatnot together. And it would was a nice thought that she was single, too. I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate that she and her guy are having problems, but you know how it is. I didn't feel like such a loser now. And I thought with her hanging out with me and us putting in applications, I'd be more likely to get a job. The whole motivation thing.
Next thing I know she's got her old job back and she's dating this guy she knows who lives in California. She visited him before coming up here and he visited for a bit after Christmas. Now I feel like even more of a loser than I did before. I've been single (sort of) for four years now and last year I was putting in tons of applications and not getting a single nibble.
So with everything on my mind like that and just wishing I could have my hands free for a few hours I was pretty depressed. It was gone by the net day, though, but I still don't like feeling like that. I love William to pieces and it's not his fault I ran out of gas and so was stuck inside for days and days.
I tried getting out today. I was going to have a friend of mine (who is also a single mom and I don't know how she keeps sane since she doesn't work and has absolutely no help from her family) come to get my little gas can to fill it up while I watched her kid. So when William went to sleep I was outside trying to get the can from my trunk. Wouldn't you know it, the trunk was frozen shut (and still is).
So, even though I knew there'd be none, I went into the garage hoping my mom's husband had a small, empty, spare gas can. Lo and behold right next to the door was the one he normally keeps in his car and he always keeps gas in it. Woo hoo!
Went back to the car, took the lid off the gas tank and then went to take the cap off the can and couldn't get it. He'd tightened it too tight. My coat sleeve has this rubber thing on it that has velcro on it so I can tighten the sleeve around my wrist and I tried utilizing that but it just didn't work. Back to the garage I went, with the gas can, hoping there was one of those large wrenches but I couldn't find one. I did, however, find some leather work gloves on the jig saw, so I tried one of those and it worked!
Back at the car, putthe gas in, then I made sure the car was plugged in and the power to the outlet was on and I went inside to wait. About an hour later I went back outside and tried starting the car. Not so much as a click. The battery was comepletely dead. To the garage. My mom's husband has a portable jumper but I knew he usually keeps it in his car instead of using jumper cables. I had hoped he'd left it in the garage. All I found, though, was a charger. So I tried that.
While it was hooked up and charging my battery I went back inside and checked things. After a bit I went back outside and tried starting the car and things clicked, lights blinked, etc. but nothing started. Then I remembered he has the thing set so a battery charges slowly. So I just took the thing off and put it back in the garage. Tomorrow he'll probably help me get everything done so I can get the car started. I've got to have it up and running for Friday when my mom needs me to drive in behind her so she can take her truck in to be serviced and then her, William, and I are going to go do things!
So I won't get out of the house until Friday. I'll have been stuck at home for two weeks then.
But! the awesome thing I just found out two days ago is that my middle sister, Christina, is coming up to take a class in town! She said she'll be here for a week or two! I'm incredibly excited! The class starts February 2nd so she'll be here sometime next week before then. Her hubby is getting the ticket tomorrow. I would love it if she was going to be here on Monday! Or heck, even Sunday!! Before Once Upon a Time comes on would be awesome! Haha, as you can see I love Christina tons. I honestly don't know ow I get by without her around. We shared a room for 12 or 13 years and she's only two years older than me. I really shouldn't depend on her so much, but I can't help it.
She said she'd babysit some while she's here, which will be nice. I know I could ask FOB to babysit but the very thought of it send me into an anxiety attack. When I watch Parenthood, the people on that show sometimes get to yelling at each other and William gets upset by it. I couldn't let FOB watch William until he's old enough to understand his dad's anger problems. Not only that but I expect that if FOB watched William, he'd probably take him to his friend's house where his son lives (his best friend is married to his ex) and that place is a mad house. When I was there a few weeks ago, I was stressed out. The couple is aggressive, just like FOB, and they're having a rough patch in their marriage so they're constantly arguing. I don't want William anywher near that. He's got a really peaceful place with me.
So I deal but I can't wait for Tina to get here! I know she said she'll babysit but for the most part I'll just have her take over when I want my hands free and all. I can't really spend much time with my best friend since she works now and she only has one day off a week.
Guess that about does it. I put William to bed in his swing after a little bit of rice cereal with breastmilk and then some extra nursing. Not sure if I'll pump or just get him from his swing and let him nurse in the bed. I really hope he sleeps well tonight.
So things are going. Pretty much everything is what you would expect with a new baby and a single mom. Here's the milestones and little cute things that have happened so far:
William used to smile only in his sleep. He now smiles quite readily for a na-na-na-na noise or a smooch noise. Unfortunately I do not remember when he first smiled while awake. He still has not gotten the hang of laughing- either that or this is just his laugh. His laugh is a dry, fake cough noise sometimes ended with a small squeal. Usually when he laughs he pulls his hands to his mouth, as fists, scrunched everything up and turns to one side or the other. It's absolutely adorable! His first attempt at laughing came on the evening of December 25th. I might've mentioned it in the last post but I don't remember.
He has been making 'ah,' 'oo,' and 'goo' noises for several weeks now and has only recently begun to copy me if I make them, but not all the time. When awake, you can usually find him with one or both fists at his mouth, drool running down them. The rule goes: if it's in his hands, it's in his mouth, haha! He still has not noticed his hands or feet, though. I'm not sure when babies are supposed to do that.
Last week was when he finally started to like his play mat. He especially loves the mirror and a purple, white-spotted butterfly my mom bought him (part of a three-piece set that also has a bumblebee and a ladybug). He kicks like there's no tomorrow while on the mat and will sometimes "talk" to the butterfly or his image. As for his bouncy seat, he's liking it a lot more (especially since I put the mirror and the butterfly on the hanging thing) and will sit in it at least long enough for me to do a load of dishes, which is all I ask. Well, that and maybe for him to be content long enough for me to make a quick meal.
He has not rolled over yet, but I'm thinking he will before the warmer weather arrives in the end of March. He's started to roll to his side now. During tummy time he can hold his head up nice and high for a bit but usually only when you set him in front of the TV for tummy time.
William LOVES the TV. He'll watch anything right now. My mom just got him some educational stuff so that way he will get some learning in, which is good. He got to see Sesame Street for a little bit for the first time today. We were up early enough for it. Normally he doesn't get any PBS stuff in until 1pm and then it's Caillou or Dinosaur Train or Clifford. But since he didn't get much sleep last night he fell asleep halfway through Sesame Street, but he really seemed to like it. Luckily he was out well before Elmo's World.
When we get up in the morning (which is when William fidgets from trying to get stuff through his tummy too much and wakes himself up) I'll feed him. During this session I'll check things on the computer and several times I'll look down and see him grinning at me real big so his mouth is open and he's got this mischievous look in his eye, like he just farted or something, haha. It's really too cute and I'd like to get a picture of it someday. He'll use that look to get what he wants, I just know it.
He has outgrown any full body onesies that say 0-3 months because the feet are too small for him. So I've put them all in a bag, along with some other 0-3 month things that don't fit him for one reason or the other. Now he is in either plain old 3 month clothing or 3-6 month things. He has a few 6 month full body onesies he wears. I just put socks on him to keep his feet from sliding out of the feetie part, the socks add some drag so the things go with his movements. He's a big boy!
As for the bad parts William can be a handful to get to sleep at night. During the day he usually has no problems being put down for a nap, as long as I hold him and pat his back and sing to him a bit before putting him in his swing. He still won't sleep in his pack n play. I'm hoping I can get him used to it before I have to work and he has to go to daycare.
Most of the time I can't find the time to do anything because William doesn't want to be set down. He's such a cuddle monster, which is nice and cute but since it's just me it does tend to drive me mad. My mom used to take him for about an hour in the evening since she didn't get to see him all day but she's stopped doing that unless I ask her and lately she gets home late so I just keep him with me. Even during his naps I don't get to do much. There's no telling how he's going to nap. He goes back and forth between cat naps and long ones so if I want to do something like take a shower while he naps I have to make it a super quick one. I can't relax and stand in the water just to warm up. I have to get in, wet my hair, lather it, rinse it, then wash my body and get out.
The other night my mom brought home a box of rice cereal for me to try on him. We tried it and put him down at 8pm. I decided to go to bed at midnight, which was when his next feeding would be if he stayed asleep long enough. He did and it was the BEST four hours I've had since before he was born! I got to just sit in the TV and watch whatever without having to pause it multiple times (watching Netflix) so I can get him soothed during a fidgety session or to go feed him cause he hungry before three hours are up. I could type with both hands on the computer, I could make a meal without hoping he'd sit in his bouncy chair long enough or without having him in one arm.
Last week Friday I was really feeling the single mother thing. Sometimes I just wish I had a partner who could take over for a little bit so I could get things done. Someone who could help me clean, help keep William entertained, take over getting him to bed, go get him when he wakes up from naps, etc. I also hadn't been out of the house and into town in a week. It was my mom's birthday and her hubby was taking her out. I was at home, alone, with William on a Friday night. All I had to do was think about how I was stuck at home again and all the bad things that were weighing on me like work and not having some help.
My best friend moved back from the lower 48. She and her fiance split and since she was moving here now she would need to look for a job. I thought it would be great for her and I to go out and put in applications and whatnot together. And it would was a nice thought that she was single, too. I mean, don't get me wrong, I hate that she and her guy are having problems, but you know how it is. I didn't feel like such a loser now. And I thought with her hanging out with me and us putting in applications, I'd be more likely to get a job. The whole motivation thing.
Next thing I know she's got her old job back and she's dating this guy she knows who lives in California. She visited him before coming up here and he visited for a bit after Christmas. Now I feel like even more of a loser than I did before. I've been single (sort of) for four years now and last year I was putting in tons of applications and not getting a single nibble.
So with everything on my mind like that and just wishing I could have my hands free for a few hours I was pretty depressed. It was gone by the net day, though, but I still don't like feeling like that. I love William to pieces and it's not his fault I ran out of gas and so was stuck inside for days and days.
I tried getting out today. I was going to have a friend of mine (who is also a single mom and I don't know how she keeps sane since she doesn't work and has absolutely no help from her family) come to get my little gas can to fill it up while I watched her kid. So when William went to sleep I was outside trying to get the can from my trunk. Wouldn't you know it, the trunk was frozen shut (and still is).
So, even though I knew there'd be none, I went into the garage hoping my mom's husband had a small, empty, spare gas can. Lo and behold right next to the door was the one he normally keeps in his car and he always keeps gas in it. Woo hoo!
Went back to the car, took the lid off the gas tank and then went to take the cap off the can and couldn't get it. He'd tightened it too tight. My coat sleeve has this rubber thing on it that has velcro on it so I can tighten the sleeve around my wrist and I tried utilizing that but it just didn't work. Back to the garage I went, with the gas can, hoping there was one of those large wrenches but I couldn't find one. I did, however, find some leather work gloves on the jig saw, so I tried one of those and it worked!
Back at the car, putthe gas in, then I made sure the car was plugged in and the power to the outlet was on and I went inside to wait. About an hour later I went back outside and tried starting the car. Not so much as a click. The battery was comepletely dead. To the garage. My mom's husband has a portable jumper but I knew he usually keeps it in his car instead of using jumper cables. I had hoped he'd left it in the garage. All I found, though, was a charger. So I tried that.
While it was hooked up and charging my battery I went back inside and checked things. After a bit I went back outside and tried starting the car and things clicked, lights blinked, etc. but nothing started. Then I remembered he has the thing set so a battery charges slowly. So I just took the thing off and put it back in the garage. Tomorrow he'll probably help me get everything done so I can get the car started. I've got to have it up and running for Friday when my mom needs me to drive in behind her so she can take her truck in to be serviced and then her, William, and I are going to go do things!
So I won't get out of the house until Friday. I'll have been stuck at home for two weeks then.
But! the awesome thing I just found out two days ago is that my middle sister, Christina, is coming up to take a class in town! She said she'll be here for a week or two! I'm incredibly excited! The class starts February 2nd so she'll be here sometime next week before then. Her hubby is getting the ticket tomorrow. I would love it if she was going to be here on Monday! Or heck, even Sunday!! Before Once Upon a Time comes on would be awesome! Haha, as you can see I love Christina tons. I honestly don't know ow I get by without her around. We shared a room for 12 or 13 years and she's only two years older than me. I really shouldn't depend on her so much, but I can't help it.
She said she'd babysit some while she's here, which will be nice. I know I could ask FOB to babysit but the very thought of it send me into an anxiety attack. When I watch Parenthood, the people on that show sometimes get to yelling at each other and William gets upset by it. I couldn't let FOB watch William until he's old enough to understand his dad's anger problems. Not only that but I expect that if FOB watched William, he'd probably take him to his friend's house where his son lives (his best friend is married to his ex) and that place is a mad house. When I was there a few weeks ago, I was stressed out. The couple is aggressive, just like FOB, and they're having a rough patch in their marriage so they're constantly arguing. I don't want William anywher near that. He's got a really peaceful place with me.
So I deal but I can't wait for Tina to get here! I know she said she'll babysit but for the most part I'll just have her take over when I want my hands free and all. I can't really spend much time with my best friend since she works now and she only has one day off a week.
Guess that about does it. I put William to bed in his swing after a little bit of rice cereal with breastmilk and then some extra nursing. Not sure if I'll pump or just get him from his swing and let him nurse in the bed. I really hope he sleeps well tonight.
Update 1-12-2012
William is two months old today! I haven't been able to post anything on here because when I get time where I don't have him in my arms I have to either nap, clean, shower, etc. When I have him I've got one hand free and that's really hard to type things up so I stick with making short replies to whatever.
Right now he's taking another nap. I think he's going through a growth spurt. He just got up from a nap a little over an hour ago. That nap was about 3 hours. I felt bad for putting him in his swing while he's up instead of interacting with him but I was busy trying to eat. I had him on his play mat watching TV (he LOVES watching TV and movies) and when he got fussy there I set him in my lap while I ate but he got fussy after about 10 minutes. So I set him in his swing. I didn't want to, but what else could I do? He fussed for a minute and then sat there watching TV or staring at the bed, which told me he was tired. When he just stares into space I know he needs sleep. And now he's asleep. I should go take a shower but I really wanna update, haha!
So, like I said, he loves watching TV and movies. I took him to the movies the other week to see The Muppets. He did wonderful! He gave a small cry in the first five minutes so I took him from the carrier and nursed him, then sat him in my lap. He watched pretty much all of the movie. I just kept switching him from knee to knee or the center of my lap. I played with his arms and whisper talked to him or let him look out at the seats behind me. He didn't make a single noise until the credits rolled. I doubt he'll be so content to watch a movie again until he's a few years old. It was a fun little outing.
He makes noises now. He started about three weeks ago, maybe four. They all kind of blur together and his cooing came on so slowly that I can't really pinpoint a date. He talks most while I read to him and it's so adorable the faces he makes when talking. He also sticks his tongue out and makes bubbles, hehe ^_^ On December 25th he started trying to laugh. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet but I know when he's laughing. It comes out as this kind of dry cough. He will also squeal from time to time.
The Christmas tree and the ceiling fan in the sitting room are his favorite things in the house. They get his attention and can keep him from crying for a good while. It'll be sad when the tree is put away.
Right now he's taking another nap. I think he's going through a growth spurt. He just got up from a nap a little over an hour ago. That nap was about 3 hours. I felt bad for putting him in his swing while he's up instead of interacting with him but I was busy trying to eat. I had him on his play mat watching TV (he LOVES watching TV and movies) and when he got fussy there I set him in my lap while I ate but he got fussy after about 10 minutes. So I set him in his swing. I didn't want to, but what else could I do? He fussed for a minute and then sat there watching TV or staring at the bed, which told me he was tired. When he just stares into space I know he needs sleep. And now he's asleep. I should go take a shower but I really wanna update, haha!
So, like I said, he loves watching TV and movies. I took him to the movies the other week to see The Muppets. He did wonderful! He gave a small cry in the first five minutes so I took him from the carrier and nursed him, then sat him in my lap. He watched pretty much all of the movie. I just kept switching him from knee to knee or the center of my lap. I played with his arms and whisper talked to him or let him look out at the seats behind me. He didn't make a single noise until the credits rolled. I doubt he'll be so content to watch a movie again until he's a few years old. It was a fun little outing.
He makes noises now. He started about three weeks ago, maybe four. They all kind of blur together and his cooing came on so slowly that I can't really pinpoint a date. He talks most while I read to him and it's so adorable the faces he makes when talking. He also sticks his tongue out and makes bubbles, hehe ^_^ On December 25th he started trying to laugh. He hasn't quite gotten the hang of it yet but I know when he's laughing. It comes out as this kind of dry cough. He will also squeal from time to time.
The Christmas tree and the ceiling fan in the sitting room are his favorite things in the house. They get his attention and can keep him from crying for a good while. It'll be sad when the tree is put away.
Thursday, December 29, 2011
Birth Story *FINALLY*
Cross posted from the mommy site:
So my due date was the 5th of November but all labor prep had stopped in my body. My nurse midwife had been going on for months about how the baby was big. At my Nov. 3rd appointment he wanted me tested for toxemia because my blood pressure had been in the 130s each time I'd gone in, with the second BP check showing it had gone down into first the 110s, then the 120s, and finally still in the 130s. My results came back normal and he had me make an appointment for the following week, which made me happy because it would mean William would have more time before being forced out.
At the 40 week appointment the ultrasound machine estimated my little man around 9lbs 8oz. The NMW even tried a second measurement hoping to get something less but the 2nd one was around 10lbs. He had me do an NST and while I was getting that done he made a call to the hospital for induction since we’d talked about it before the NST. He came in not too long after the call and told me it was set up for me to call Thursday at 5pm to see what time that night the hospital wanted me in. I was to be induced Thursday evening and deliver Friday.
Thursday, November 10th, rolls around and because of the NMW saying I was top priority the hospital called twice that day trying to get me to come in earlier. I managed to get through to them the second time that my plans were for after 5pm. So it was scheduled for 7:30pm.
At the hospital that night it took them a while to get to me. I was given the first piece of misoprostil (generic cytotec) around 9 or 9:30pm. I was still only 50% effaced and just barely 2cm dilated.
Things went fine, they had me hooked up to the monitors for an hour to make sure things were okay as the pill dissolved and all. After an hour I was able to get out of bed and be off the monitors. My mom and the doula took a walk with me around the L&D ward several times and in the room the doula worked on pressure points with me. After two hours the NMW came in to see me and I’d not progressed at all. No contractions or anything. When he checked me he tried to see if he could get stuff going a bit by being kind of rough with me cervix, it was not fun.
Around 11:30pm they gave me the next piece of misoprostil and this time I had to stay in bed for two hours while they monitored me. By the time they let me up I had to pee so bad it wasn’t funny. At this time my middle sister had gone back to the house to sleep since there was the doula and my mom there as well and they had to switch off sleeping in the chair thing. After that piece they wanted to wait a while to give my body a bit of a break. I wasn’t contracting at all and had only effaced 20% more.
The night was uneventful. I couldn’t sleep so I just messed around in bed, trying to sleep but eventually giving up around 3 or 4am. At 6am they gave me breakfast which was good because then it made the doula wake up and we could turn the lights on. I’d only managed to an hour and a half of sleep.
Doula did more pressure point work from time to time. For the most part we all just sat around watching TV and chatting. My sister came back around 9am I think. I was able to get a small hour nap in and she arrived while I was out.
Around noon my best friend got to the hospital and we all just took a walk and then sat in the room chatting and watching stuff. They put in the 3rd piece of the pill and it was very painful. The nurse I had didn’t have very long fingers and she decided to try and get stuff going as well. The amount of blood after she got done was crazy. Though, by the time the NMW came back, I’d lost a huge chunk of my mucus plug, so her fiddling with my cervix did something. Though I still was not contracting and my cervix was not dilating much at all. Even after the third pill there wasn’t much change. I guess I was effaced fully because no one said anything about it and they were only talking about dilation at this point. By this time I was having contractions but they had no pattern and weren’t very painful, though painful enough to be annoying.
I was going to take a nap around 6:30pm after I’d eaten dinner but they said the NMW would be back in around 7pm to discuss the next step and they were going to put me on the monitors around then so instead I took the chance to get up and walk around, do some more pressure points and whatnot. When the guy got there we talked about it and decided that breaking my water was the best thing now. The pills just weren’t having the desired effect and he didn’t want to confine me to the bed by giving me pitocin since I wasn’t going to have an epidural. So now I’d been in the hospital for about 24 hours (having gotten there around 7:40pm on the 10th). Though he figured we’d wait a little bit in hopes that maybe something might happen, which was good for me since I needed some sleep. So he left and called a little while later after I’d had a shower and we figured 9:30pm would be good for breaking my water. I then laid down and took a small nap since the shower eased up the pain in my pelvic are more so I could sleep.
At 9:15pm a nurse woke me up and checked me, still no real progress. At 9:25pm the doula did more pressure points on me hoping to get more stuff going. The NMW came in at 9:30pm and broke my water. It was the strangest feeling in the world. The liquid was so hot it made me wonder how on earth other women could think they were peeing themselves when it broke for them naturally. And I tell you what, amniotic fluid reeks!
I didn’t have to wait long for stuff to start. Within minutes I had a mild contraction. Around 10:15pm friend came back, having gone home to eat dinner and get a nap in since she was going to be up all night with me. By the time she got there I was having fairly strong contractions. I could sort of talk through them but not easily. This night my mom went home to get some dinner and sleep some since she didn’t sleep much the night before.
My contractions were coming within 3 minutes of each other and were getting stronger and lasting longer as the minutes went by. After an hour I was amazed it’d been an hour and we all decided to take a walk around the ward. As we began walking my contractions got worse where my knees would buckle and I’d hobble over to the nearest railing on the wall to lean against it and breathe through the contraction while gripping the railing with a death grip. The contractions were coming so fast now that I could barely walk a few feet before having another one. Once back in the room I sat up in the bed and had to moan through contractions. I had my sister put on the movie Thor because I felt like watching it but I ended up with my head back staring at the ceiling most of the time while I moaned.
I’m not sure how long I was like that for but I do know it was a long time and the contractions just kept coming. After a while they got so frequent I had no breaks whatsoever between them. They were painful but not really bad. And most of them had double spikes where they would ebb but immediately roll into the strongest part of the next one.
Finally the pain just became so intense I was beginning to really yell out. With no let up in the contractions and how hard they were coming we all began to talk about some pain relief. The plan was no medications like stadol and an epidural but after several hours of such horrible pain I could no longer stand it. Plus I’d only slept 2 hours total and it was very early in the morning on Saturday. I was so weak and from lack of sleep I was beginning to become overwhelmed, so I gave in and opted for the stadol. It was not only to relieve the pain on me but to also help me relax and get some sleep so I could be strong enough to push later. And by this time I was about only 5cm dilated. The pains were so bad my mom finally had to leave the room and when I looked up after one yell I noticed my friend had left, too. I felt so bad that they had to see me in so much pain.
It felt like it took forever to get the stadol. And as we were waiting we talked about the possibility of an epidural. I figured I’d go ahead and say yes, just in case because they needed me to sign a consent form before I got the stadol so I would be considered of sane mind if/when I said yes to the epi. So they finally got the stadol in me and I took this time to try and nap.
Unfortunately the stadol didn’t last long at all. Before even two hours were up I was in excruciating pain again. I said yes to the epidural despite still feeling fearful about the needle in my back. I went with it so I could have the strength to push. It took about an hour but they managed to get the epidural in. The guy was a bit brusque but apparently he flinched when I cried out as he stuck me so I feel bad about it lol.
After the epi was put in I was FINALLY able to get some sleep. Unfortunately the pain relief wasn’t long lived. The good thing was I was able to get about four hours of sleep. But soon the stuff began to wear off and it didn’t matter how many times I pressed the button for more, the pain was never relieved. It wasn’t as intense as before but it certainly hurt like hell! So they got the anesthesiologist back in to up the constant flow of the medication. It didn’t do much of anything.
It must’ve been early afternoon by this time and I was back to yelling through the contractions that weren’t letting up. The epidural had certainly decreased them so I had some breaks but it also did it enough so that the nurse midwife had me put on pitocin. He didn’t even have it giving me a ton. He just started me off small. But by now things were so bad and the epidural wasn’t working at all and I was only around 7cm now.
Not sure about time much after that but because I was in so much pain and screaming and bawling my eyes out they decided to get the anesthesiologist in there to see what else could be done. This guy was a different one from before since the other one was in the ER. First he checked the epi site and said that he had thought maybe things had shifted or it wasn’t in the right place but after seeing it, he said it couldn’t have been done better and it was just fine. He decided to give me some much stronger stuff but I had to wait for him to go get it.
While I was waiting, I was sitting up at the foot of the bed because for some reason it eased the pain quite a bit. The doula and my mom stood on my right when the guy came back in. He got the catheter for the epi and used that to put the medicine in. He told me I’d feel some cold but that’s definitely not what I felt.
Instead of cold, my entire back seized up so hard I could barely breathe because the muscles around my ribs wouldn’t allow my lungs to expand. I couldn’t move and I was screaming from the pain of it all. It took a good 5-10 minutes for the medicine to kick in around my uterus and once it did I wanted to cry from joy. I couldn’t feel the contractions at all. It was SUCH a relief! So I took the time to chat a bit and just focus on things not about labor. The nurse midwife came back in about an hour after to check me.
I hadn’t made any progress. He sat there for several minutes trying to see if he could get the baby to turn his head so it would sit right in my pelvis. All the pain I’d been having was horrible back labor and because the baby’s head was cocked to one side inside my pelvis. After he tried and tried to get my little man to turn his head manually, he decided to have me lay on my right side and tilt the bed back to allow gravity to pull the baby from the pelvis so he could then descend back in at the right angle. I was to try and nap during this time.
After just less than an hour I began to feel a little bit of pain. The nurse midwife had turned the pitocin up earlier hoping that while I couldn’t feel anything, he could really get stuff going. But it didn’t take more than 5 minutes after feeling the first twinge of pain to begin feeling things pretty much full force. By the time they got the anesthesiologist back in there I was nearly yelling again. He gave me this dose as I was lying down still because the nurse wouldn’t let me get up. This meant that the stuff didn’t work as quick. At some point I was finally allowed to sit up.
This dose lasted around an hour and a half. As soon as I began to feel any pain I asked to get another dose hoping to get the dose before the pain became too bad. Unfortunately the nurse didn’t quite understand and so took her time getting the guy back in. So again, by the time he got in there I was yelling through the pain. The nurse midwife came in after that and said that he’d let me go a little longer in hopes that I could progress some more, but I should begin thinking about the possibility of a c-section.
After I got this dose I talked with the doula and my mom about what would happen next if I still hadn’t progressed. I was only roughly 8cm now and it was creeping up on 23 hours after having my waters broke. So 23 hours of intense labor. After talking about it we decided it was late, I was exhausted, and I’d been trying as hard as I could to get to 10cm so if things weren’t any different I’d go ahead with the c-section.
That last dose of the pain medicine didn’t even last an hour. So we called the nurse midwife in and told him what I decided and he got to work by checking me first to make sure I hadn’t progressed and sure enough no change whatsoever.
While I waited for them to take me to the OR I tried to keep the pain at bay by pressing the epi button a few times. Soon they had me going to the OR and then on the table. I had to fight through the pain while they had me hunched over on the table and the anesthesiologist (the one who gave me the epidural) tried to get the spinal block done. Unfortunately he was having a hard time with it and stuck me several times. The first time he hit a nerve that tweaked in my left foot. It took over 5 minutes for him to finally be able to get something in. I had my sister count the number of stick marks on my back and she found twelve. I found out while I was in recovery that the guy had such a hard time with it because my muscles were so tense they bent the needles.
Well after they got the spinal block done they had me lay back and they put the blue partition sheet up. I felt the numbness slowly creep up my body, feeling like it ended just under my ribs. It was making my chest feel heavy so I had to breathe through my mouth to know I was breathing at all. I also was near to passing out from exhaustion. I could feel them moving stuff over my legs so I worried about feeling stuff on my stomach. But then one woman told me I should be feeling something sharp, she was pinching me pretty hard. I couldn’t feel anything at all so I was happy about that.
My mom was sitting next to my head by that time and I was trying hard to stay awake. Before I knew it I heard them calling out a time. 21:30. My mom smiled, near to tears and told me my son was finally here. At 9:30pm on November 12, 2011, William Michael finally made it into the world.
When I finally got to see him he had a full head of dark brown hair and incredibly chubby cheeks. His first cry was so cute and squeaky and it wasn’t long before they got all the fluid cleared and he was crying loudly. He was a lovely pink color and very active. I couldn’t have asked for a healthier baby.
They wheeled me off into recovery not long after taking William from the room. While in there I shook as if I’d been out, naked, in the cold for hours. I tried hard to sleep while in there but the shivering kept me up. By the time they brought William into the recovery room, it was time to move me to my new room. All the shivering stopped once in the room with my baby and I didn’t get to sleep until well after 1am.
When I got the stats on William, he was 9lbs 6oz, 20 1/2in, with a 15 head and a 14 chest.
They’ve been giving me and the little guy antibiotics because right at the end before opting for the c-section, I had begun to develop a fever and William had a slight one as well, not to mention he’d pooped at some point while still in the womb. So far his blood cultures have always come back negative for infection (as have mine) and then his blood sugars are wonderful and he’s not jaundiced. I can’t believe how amazingly healthy he seems to be. I am definitely blessed.
And despite how rough it was and that pretty much everything I wanted for this birth was thrown out the window, I still want more children some day and I still want to try for a natural birth. And when it happens that I am pregnant again, I just know I’ll be a VBAC success story. This birth was such an interesting experience!
So my due date was the 5th of November but all labor prep had stopped in my body. My nurse midwife had been going on for months about how the baby was big. At my Nov. 3rd appointment he wanted me tested for toxemia because my blood pressure had been in the 130s each time I'd gone in, with the second BP check showing it had gone down into first the 110s, then the 120s, and finally still in the 130s. My results came back normal and he had me make an appointment for the following week, which made me happy because it would mean William would have more time before being forced out.
At the 40 week appointment the ultrasound machine estimated my little man around 9lbs 8oz. The NMW even tried a second measurement hoping to get something less but the 2nd one was around 10lbs. He had me do an NST and while I was getting that done he made a call to the hospital for induction since we’d talked about it before the NST. He came in not too long after the call and told me it was set up for me to call Thursday at 5pm to see what time that night the hospital wanted me in. I was to be induced Thursday evening and deliver Friday.
Thursday, November 10th, rolls around and because of the NMW saying I was top priority the hospital called twice that day trying to get me to come in earlier. I managed to get through to them the second time that my plans were for after 5pm. So it was scheduled for 7:30pm.
At the hospital that night it took them a while to get to me. I was given the first piece of misoprostil (generic cytotec) around 9 or 9:30pm. I was still only 50% effaced and just barely 2cm dilated.
Things went fine, they had me hooked up to the monitors for an hour to make sure things were okay as the pill dissolved and all. After an hour I was able to get out of bed and be off the monitors. My mom and the doula took a walk with me around the L&D ward several times and in the room the doula worked on pressure points with me. After two hours the NMW came in to see me and I’d not progressed at all. No contractions or anything. When he checked me he tried to see if he could get stuff going a bit by being kind of rough with me cervix, it was not fun.
Around 11:30pm they gave me the next piece of misoprostil and this time I had to stay in bed for two hours while they monitored me. By the time they let me up I had to pee so bad it wasn’t funny. At this time my middle sister had gone back to the house to sleep since there was the doula and my mom there as well and they had to switch off sleeping in the chair thing. After that piece they wanted to wait a while to give my body a bit of a break. I wasn’t contracting at all and had only effaced 20% more.
The night was uneventful. I couldn’t sleep so I just messed around in bed, trying to sleep but eventually giving up around 3 or 4am. At 6am they gave me breakfast which was good because then it made the doula wake up and we could turn the lights on. I’d only managed to an hour and a half of sleep.
Doula did more pressure point work from time to time. For the most part we all just sat around watching TV and chatting. My sister came back around 9am I think. I was able to get a small hour nap in and she arrived while I was out.
Around noon my best friend got to the hospital and we all just took a walk and then sat in the room chatting and watching stuff. They put in the 3rd piece of the pill and it was very painful. The nurse I had didn’t have very long fingers and she decided to try and get stuff going as well. The amount of blood after she got done was crazy. Though, by the time the NMW came back, I’d lost a huge chunk of my mucus plug, so her fiddling with my cervix did something. Though I still was not contracting and my cervix was not dilating much at all. Even after the third pill there wasn’t much change. I guess I was effaced fully because no one said anything about it and they were only talking about dilation at this point. By this time I was having contractions but they had no pattern and weren’t very painful, though painful enough to be annoying.
I was going to take a nap around 6:30pm after I’d eaten dinner but they said the NMW would be back in around 7pm to discuss the next step and they were going to put me on the monitors around then so instead I took the chance to get up and walk around, do some more pressure points and whatnot. When the guy got there we talked about it and decided that breaking my water was the best thing now. The pills just weren’t having the desired effect and he didn’t want to confine me to the bed by giving me pitocin since I wasn’t going to have an epidural. So now I’d been in the hospital for about 24 hours (having gotten there around 7:40pm on the 10th). Though he figured we’d wait a little bit in hopes that maybe something might happen, which was good for me since I needed some sleep. So he left and called a little while later after I’d had a shower and we figured 9:30pm would be good for breaking my water. I then laid down and took a small nap since the shower eased up the pain in my pelvic are more so I could sleep.
At 9:15pm a nurse woke me up and checked me, still no real progress. At 9:25pm the doula did more pressure points on me hoping to get more stuff going. The NMW came in at 9:30pm and broke my water. It was the strangest feeling in the world. The liquid was so hot it made me wonder how on earth other women could think they were peeing themselves when it broke for them naturally. And I tell you what, amniotic fluid reeks!
I didn’t have to wait long for stuff to start. Within minutes I had a mild contraction. Around 10:15pm friend came back, having gone home to eat dinner and get a nap in since she was going to be up all night with me. By the time she got there I was having fairly strong contractions. I could sort of talk through them but not easily. This night my mom went home to get some dinner and sleep some since she didn’t sleep much the night before.
My contractions were coming within 3 minutes of each other and were getting stronger and lasting longer as the minutes went by. After an hour I was amazed it’d been an hour and we all decided to take a walk around the ward. As we began walking my contractions got worse where my knees would buckle and I’d hobble over to the nearest railing on the wall to lean against it and breathe through the contraction while gripping the railing with a death grip. The contractions were coming so fast now that I could barely walk a few feet before having another one. Once back in the room I sat up in the bed and had to moan through contractions. I had my sister put on the movie Thor because I felt like watching it but I ended up with my head back staring at the ceiling most of the time while I moaned.
I’m not sure how long I was like that for but I do know it was a long time and the contractions just kept coming. After a while they got so frequent I had no breaks whatsoever between them. They were painful but not really bad. And most of them had double spikes where they would ebb but immediately roll into the strongest part of the next one.
Finally the pain just became so intense I was beginning to really yell out. With no let up in the contractions and how hard they were coming we all began to talk about some pain relief. The plan was no medications like stadol and an epidural but after several hours of such horrible pain I could no longer stand it. Plus I’d only slept 2 hours total and it was very early in the morning on Saturday. I was so weak and from lack of sleep I was beginning to become overwhelmed, so I gave in and opted for the stadol. It was not only to relieve the pain on me but to also help me relax and get some sleep so I could be strong enough to push later. And by this time I was about only 5cm dilated. The pains were so bad my mom finally had to leave the room and when I looked up after one yell I noticed my friend had left, too. I felt so bad that they had to see me in so much pain.
It felt like it took forever to get the stadol. And as we were waiting we talked about the possibility of an epidural. I figured I’d go ahead and say yes, just in case because they needed me to sign a consent form before I got the stadol so I would be considered of sane mind if/when I said yes to the epi. So they finally got the stadol in me and I took this time to try and nap.
Unfortunately the stadol didn’t last long at all. Before even two hours were up I was in excruciating pain again. I said yes to the epidural despite still feeling fearful about the needle in my back. I went with it so I could have the strength to push. It took about an hour but they managed to get the epidural in. The guy was a bit brusque but apparently he flinched when I cried out as he stuck me so I feel bad about it lol.
After the epi was put in I was FINALLY able to get some sleep. Unfortunately the pain relief wasn’t long lived. The good thing was I was able to get about four hours of sleep. But soon the stuff began to wear off and it didn’t matter how many times I pressed the button for more, the pain was never relieved. It wasn’t as intense as before but it certainly hurt like hell! So they got the anesthesiologist back in to up the constant flow of the medication. It didn’t do much of anything.
It must’ve been early afternoon by this time and I was back to yelling through the contractions that weren’t letting up. The epidural had certainly decreased them so I had some breaks but it also did it enough so that the nurse midwife had me put on pitocin. He didn’t even have it giving me a ton. He just started me off small. But by now things were so bad and the epidural wasn’t working at all and I was only around 7cm now.
Not sure about time much after that but because I was in so much pain and screaming and bawling my eyes out they decided to get the anesthesiologist in there to see what else could be done. This guy was a different one from before since the other one was in the ER. First he checked the epi site and said that he had thought maybe things had shifted or it wasn’t in the right place but after seeing it, he said it couldn’t have been done better and it was just fine. He decided to give me some much stronger stuff but I had to wait for him to go get it.
While I was waiting, I was sitting up at the foot of the bed because for some reason it eased the pain quite a bit. The doula and my mom stood on my right when the guy came back in. He got the catheter for the epi and used that to put the medicine in. He told me I’d feel some cold but that’s definitely not what I felt.
Instead of cold, my entire back seized up so hard I could barely breathe because the muscles around my ribs wouldn’t allow my lungs to expand. I couldn’t move and I was screaming from the pain of it all. It took a good 5-10 minutes for the medicine to kick in around my uterus and once it did I wanted to cry from joy. I couldn’t feel the contractions at all. It was SUCH a relief! So I took the time to chat a bit and just focus on things not about labor. The nurse midwife came back in about an hour after to check me.
I hadn’t made any progress. He sat there for several minutes trying to see if he could get the baby to turn his head so it would sit right in my pelvis. All the pain I’d been having was horrible back labor and because the baby’s head was cocked to one side inside my pelvis. After he tried and tried to get my little man to turn his head manually, he decided to have me lay on my right side and tilt the bed back to allow gravity to pull the baby from the pelvis so he could then descend back in at the right angle. I was to try and nap during this time.
After just less than an hour I began to feel a little bit of pain. The nurse midwife had turned the pitocin up earlier hoping that while I couldn’t feel anything, he could really get stuff going. But it didn’t take more than 5 minutes after feeling the first twinge of pain to begin feeling things pretty much full force. By the time they got the anesthesiologist back in there I was nearly yelling again. He gave me this dose as I was lying down still because the nurse wouldn’t let me get up. This meant that the stuff didn’t work as quick. At some point I was finally allowed to sit up.
This dose lasted around an hour and a half. As soon as I began to feel any pain I asked to get another dose hoping to get the dose before the pain became too bad. Unfortunately the nurse didn’t quite understand and so took her time getting the guy back in. So again, by the time he got in there I was yelling through the pain. The nurse midwife came in after that and said that he’d let me go a little longer in hopes that I could progress some more, but I should begin thinking about the possibility of a c-section.
After I got this dose I talked with the doula and my mom about what would happen next if I still hadn’t progressed. I was only roughly 8cm now and it was creeping up on 23 hours after having my waters broke. So 23 hours of intense labor. After talking about it we decided it was late, I was exhausted, and I’d been trying as hard as I could to get to 10cm so if things weren’t any different I’d go ahead with the c-section.
That last dose of the pain medicine didn’t even last an hour. So we called the nurse midwife in and told him what I decided and he got to work by checking me first to make sure I hadn’t progressed and sure enough no change whatsoever.
While I waited for them to take me to the OR I tried to keep the pain at bay by pressing the epi button a few times. Soon they had me going to the OR and then on the table. I had to fight through the pain while they had me hunched over on the table and the anesthesiologist (the one who gave me the epidural) tried to get the spinal block done. Unfortunately he was having a hard time with it and stuck me several times. The first time he hit a nerve that tweaked in my left foot. It took over 5 minutes for him to finally be able to get something in. I had my sister count the number of stick marks on my back and she found twelve. I found out while I was in recovery that the guy had such a hard time with it because my muscles were so tense they bent the needles.
Well after they got the spinal block done they had me lay back and they put the blue partition sheet up. I felt the numbness slowly creep up my body, feeling like it ended just under my ribs. It was making my chest feel heavy so I had to breathe through my mouth to know I was breathing at all. I also was near to passing out from exhaustion. I could feel them moving stuff over my legs so I worried about feeling stuff on my stomach. But then one woman told me I should be feeling something sharp, she was pinching me pretty hard. I couldn’t feel anything at all so I was happy about that.
My mom was sitting next to my head by that time and I was trying hard to stay awake. Before I knew it I heard them calling out a time. 21:30. My mom smiled, near to tears and told me my son was finally here. At 9:30pm on November 12, 2011, William Michael finally made it into the world.
When I finally got to see him he had a full head of dark brown hair and incredibly chubby cheeks. His first cry was so cute and squeaky and it wasn’t long before they got all the fluid cleared and he was crying loudly. He was a lovely pink color and very active. I couldn’t have asked for a healthier baby.
They wheeled me off into recovery not long after taking William from the room. While in there I shook as if I’d been out, naked, in the cold for hours. I tried hard to sleep while in there but the shivering kept me up. By the time they brought William into the recovery room, it was time to move me to my new room. All the shivering stopped once in the room with my baby and I didn’t get to sleep until well after 1am.
When I got the stats on William, he was 9lbs 6oz, 20 1/2in, with a 15 head and a 14 chest.
They’ve been giving me and the little guy antibiotics because right at the end before opting for the c-section, I had begun to develop a fever and William had a slight one as well, not to mention he’d pooped at some point while still in the womb. So far his blood cultures have always come back negative for infection (as have mine) and then his blood sugars are wonderful and he’s not jaundiced. I can’t believe how amazingly healthy he seems to be. I am definitely blessed.
And despite how rough it was and that pretty much everything I wanted for this birth was thrown out the window, I still want more children some day and I still want to try for a natural birth. And when it happens that I am pregnant again, I just know I’ll be a VBAC success story. This birth was such an interesting experience!
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