Food Stuff

Forgot to put up the food post yesterday so I'll put down as much as I can remember from then and then stuff for today. I'll also do the measurements tomorrow.

Yesterday:

Breakfast
-Greek yogurt with 1/2 a banana, a teaspoon of finely chopped pecans, some dried blueberries, homemade granola, and flax seed.
-Glass of water

Lunch
-Leftovers of smoked sausage, red bell pepper, onions, and kidney beans
-Glass of water

Dinner
-4 Asada tacos (marinated beef, cilantro, onions, green sauce, and lime juice on small corn tortillas)
-Spanish rice
-1/2 a serving of refried beans with a little bit of cheddar cheese and onions
-Glass of sweet tea

Dessert
-Two s'mores
-Some pomegranate seeds

Snack
-Four graham crackers squares with 2 Tbsp of peanut butter
-Glass of water

There was some other glasses of water in there but I still didn't drink as much as I should have.

Today:

Breakfast
-Monkey bread
-Glass of whole milk

Lunch
-2 Chicken lettuce wraps
-Glass of water

Dinner
-Red beans and rice (smoked sausage, kidney beans, rice)
-Glass of sweet tea

Dessert
-One square of pumpkin spice cake with chocolate chips and butter cream frosting.

Again, other glasses of water and then a few swallows of some very strong lipton tea since I have a headache and no tylenol or anything.

So yesterday I did really well until dinner time, but it's so hard to have just one or two of those tacos. And really, they're not that bad considering everything is fresh. The fattiest thing was probably the green sauce because of the avocado in it but that's good fat. And the corn tortillas had the most carbs. That's just for the tacos, though. I did have two servings of the rice and then of course the refried beans have loads of starch in them. Not even sure why they're called refried. My sister made them from scratch and all it was, was boiling them, draining them, then mashing them.

As for today I did much worse. I got up and waited for forever for my sister to wake up because I thought she was going to make this breakfast pizza today. By 10:30am I was getting so hungry I was feeling nauseous so I went ahead and made this biscuit monkey bread. It took a little bit so I didn't eat it for close to an hour and then about two hours after that we ate lunch. Also I spent most of the day over at my sister's place and they have a lot of things to snack on. I avoided most of it but did nibble on a few things.

Also, I saw some pictures of myself today, one from when I was big and pregnant and one from this past Christmas. The pregnant one was really cute because I was posing and all and with my huge belly I didn't look fat at all. Then the Christmas one I was sitting on the floor hunched over helping William with something so I looked ginormous and it just grossed me out. I tell you what, that picture was some motivation. I should get that printed out and stick it to my fridge. I don't want to continue looking like that. I want to look like how I feel I look. I know I'm overweight but I honestly don't think I look as big as I must actually be. And also, in my dreams I've only twice had dreams where I was overweight and felt self-conscious. Several dreams total where I was overweight but I'm usually not self-conscious at all about how I look and the funny thing is that in dreams where I should feel self-conscious, I'm naked. But for the most part I'm always fit in my dreams. It's how I see myself. My poor self-esteem comes from how I think others see me and how they feel about the fact that I'm overweight. The bright side of all of this is that it could be worse. I could be totally oblivious to my weight and what I eat and just let myself go until I can't go through the store without an electric cart. I feel bad for those people who have to use those things because of weight. It's so debilitating being that heavy and no one should have to deal with it.

My middle sister is fairly overweight as well. Though she was still lighter than me until after I had William then I was about 5 or 10lbs lighter than her. Now she's back to being lighter since she's pregnant and all the throwing up and the baby taking nutrition has caused her to lose weight. But she did just says she's finally starting to gain. Well, anyway, her frame is not for weight. She's got a petite frame. She'd have a lovely willowy figure at her ideal size and weight. Because of the weight she has knee problems and I really hope they don't get worse when the baby gets good and big. We live on the second floor of the 4-plex and she already has trouble with the stairs thanks to her knees. I'm lucky I'm built for weight. I have wide feet and plenty of muscle and I'm strong because the weight I carried most of my life came on gradually so I was able to build up my strength. Being pregnant only affected my hip joints in the morning when I was getting up (and they affect me now if I don't do a few hip exercises/stretches at least every few nights) but I could still do everything I always did, though most of the time people wouldn't let me carry several grocery bags into the house.

Anyway, I won't be like this any longer. I don't want to see pictures of myself and think, "Gross!" I want to look the way I feel I look.